Parenting and MS - raising happy children

Deciding when and how to speak with children about MS can be a complex and daunting task. Here are some strategies that can help:

• foster open and honest communication with children but ensure it’s appropriate for their ages
• it’s natural to want to protect your children by keeping information about MS from them. However, children can be very sensitive to what is happening in the family, so being honest with them can help to facilitate open lines of communication
• keep it simple and age appropriate:
  • stick to using simple language
  • use simple examples that children can understand
  • encourage them to ask questions, if and when they are ready
  • remember, don’t feel like you have to tell them everything at once!
• if the children are young, encourage them to get involved in activities such as the MS Readathon — it can be a gentle way to promote discussion and learning.

Helpful tip: comparing the damaged myelin sheath surrounding nerves to a worn-out electricity cable may help children to better understand MS.

Children need reassurance – without accurate information, children may develop unrealistic worries about MS. You need to reassure them that they are not responsible for the onset or progression of their parent’s MS symptoms and that even though mum or dad are living with MS, they are likely to live a long life. It’s important for children to know that it’s okay to express any feelings and questions they may have.

Helpful tip: involving another trusted adult in the conversation (such as a grandparent) that the children can turn to, helps them know that they are not alone.

Keep the conversation going – given the changing nature of MS, it’s important to create regular opportunities for children to express their thoughts and feelings. As your children develop and changes occur, adapting the conversations might be necessary to reflect their understanding.

How do children react?

Generally, children are able to cope well in response to learning about MS when adults are open and honest. However, it’s normal for children to sometimes express their distress in different ways, depending on their age and temperament. Some may throw tantrums and “act out,” while others may withdraw. These difficulties may come and go – however, parents who are concerned about their child’s wellbeing, should speak with MS Connect or their GP.

Difficulty planning for the future

Children should be prepared for any changes that might affect them, such as when mum or dad have to go to hospital. Consider preparing a plan with them so they know who’ll be taking care of them and so they have the opportunity to express any concerns or fears.

Fostering a caring and nurturing family environment through family activities

Establishing a routine may be helpful in making sure family activities are enjoyable and successful. You may like to try and organise a set time for a family activities once a week where everyone can decide on a fun activity to do together. Below are some suggestions that you and your family might like to try:

• a movie night complete with popcorn and snacks
• board games or card games
• arts and crafts: practice your origami skills, or create your own book, card or stress ball together
• create a mini scavenger hunt around the house
• make a quick batch of playdough
• blow up a balloon and start a game of balloon-volleyball
• have a picnic in the backyard
• start a veggie patch or herb garden
• cloud watching
• create a mini golf course in the back yard using jam jars or empty tin cans for holes.

Family happiness starts with you – building your own inner strength for a better family life

Whilst it’s completely normal to feel sad, angry or disappointed when faced with life’s challenges, sometimes it may be difficult to overcome these emotions, and we become stuck in negative thought patterns.

Learning to reflect on events with perspective might help you to nurture better relationships with your loved ones.

If we can identify these patterns, we may be able to learn to challenge them and begin to see the world as more than just good or bad - with every negative event having some underlying positivity.

A good way to do this is to consider different outlooks to cope with minor setbacks.

Recall a setback that you experienced, the thoughts surrounding it, and the consequences of these actions. For example:
Event: burning dinner > Reaction: negative “I’ve ruined everything” > Thoughts/feelings: disappointed, annoyed > Consequences: getting angry, throwing out dinner.

By learning to reflect on events with perspective, we can change our outlook before we commit to negative actions.

So for example, our reaction to burning dinner could change to a more positive one where we think, “I can fix it” or “It’s not the end of the world.” The consequence could now be ‘saving’ dinner by being creative.

Coping with stress

Sometimes life’s stresses such as work, relationships, MS symptoms and running a household can begin to add up, leaving you feeling overwhelmed. When you’re beginning to feel stressed, positive and healthy coping strategies and personal skills may help to manage these emotions.

Helpful tip: imagine stress as rain that fills up a container; with coping strategies as a tap you turn to let out some water (stress). Come up with some of your own skills and strategies that you can use when you begin feeling overwhelmed by stress, such as talking with family, trying out different relaxation techniques, accessing MS support, or talking to a health professional.

Staying Positive – try not to forget to set aside time to reflect on the positive things that have happened in your life!

Each family and person living with MS will have their own unique journey. Sometimes it becomes easy to get stuck on the challenges that you are experiencing and lose sight of all you have achieved so far.