Understanding and managing emotions for carers

When a family member or friend receives a diagnosis of multiple sclerosis (MS), it can evoke a wide range of emotions and concerns. During life's challenging moments, it is completely normal to go back and forth between various emotions. Some days will be tough, while others will feel easier. It can be helpful to acknowledge that you may experience a multitude of emotions, as this awareness can assist you in navigating difficult times.

Emotions that people may encounter include:

• Shock
• Fear
• Concern
• Anxiety
• Overwhelm
• Denial
• Anger and frustration
• Grief and loss

Finding ways to express your emotions

Some people believe they need to "stay strong" and avoid talking about how they really feel. Many of us are taught to avoid talking about difficult things and prefer to keep conversations in a safe space. Others may worry about upsetting people by saying the wrong things or struggle to find the right words to describe their emotions.

One common response to challenging emotions is avoidance, often referred to as "burying your head in the sand." While it may seem like it helps in the short term, pushing away these emotions can have negative consequences for your health and wellbeing over time. By identifying and accepting difficult and negative emotions, you will be able to look after yourself and look after others.

Here are some tips for understanding and expressing your emotions more effectively:

• Write down your thoughts and feelings. Just a few sessions of journaling or jotting down your thoughts on paper have been shown to improve wellbeing.
• Be accurate and specific about your feelings and, if possible, identify the reasons behind them. This can guide you toward potential solutions. For instance, saying "I feel terrible" doesn't offer a path to a solution, while saying "I feel afraid because I don't know what tomorrow will bring" can help you plan for the next day or manage the situation.
• Share how you are feeling with a trusted family member or close friend. Find a safe person, who won't panic or judge you, and will validate your emotions. You can even ask that they refrain from offering advice right from the outset.
• If you are struggling, consider scheduling an appointment with your GP (General Practitioner) to discuss your emotional wellbeing. Your GP may refer you to a counsellor, or you can arrange to see one yourself.
• Join a peer support group to learn from others and share your own experiences.

Remember: difficult feelings often travel in packs. When fear and loss turn up, they often bring along guilt, shame and disconnection. It is normal, and it’s okay to experience all these emotions, because, for many families and friends, a life-changing diagnosis affects them as well as the person.

Building your resilience is crucial to enabling you to provide the best support and maintain your emotional wellbeing. There are many ways to develop resilience, and plenty of accessible information and resources are available. Find an approach that resonates with you and seems achievable. If one method doesn't suit you, don't hesitate to explore alternatives.

Simple steps can serve as an excellent starting point. Consider these common key elements of resilience and select one to work on:

• Creating quality connections
• Having a high emotional intelligence
• Feeling like you have energy
• Being able to identify and action your priorities
• Gaining perspective
• Having gratitude

Simple ways to support your wellbeing

It can feel challenging to focus on your emotional wellbeing due to lack of time and energy. Getting back to the basics may help you feel more in control of your emotional wellbeing:

• Move: Make time for regular exercise; even a short brisk walk can be beneficial.
• Sleep: A good night's sleep is essential to your health and wellbeing.
• Breathe: even if all you have is two minutes to breathe in and out
• Eat: it’s easy to fall into the trap of eating poorly when you feel overwhelmed. Take the time to make it right.

Other simple strategies for self-care:

• Be kind to yourself; acknowledge that there will be ups and downs along the way, which will help you navigate challenging times with greater strength and understanding.
• Give yourself permission to explore and fulfill your needs.
• Set aside time for yourself, even if it's as simple as taking a break for a cup of tea or spending ten minutes reading.
• Spend time in nature.
• Speak to yourself as you would speak to a friend.
• Explore complementary therapies such as yoga, tai chi, or listening to mindfulness and relaxation podcasts.

If you find it difficult to cope or are going through a tough period, remember that support is available:

Reach out to MS Plus at 1800 042 138 for assistance.

Contact Lifeline at 13 11 14 for 24-hour crisis support.

Always remember that it is okay to experience a range of emotions. Prioritising your emotional well-=being and seeking support when necessary are crucial steps in navigating this journey.